can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize