I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
