I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize