just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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