When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
