I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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