Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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