I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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