Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She bit a glass in half.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
