What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
