So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
