what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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