How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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