Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
