I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
