Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
