I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
