Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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