i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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