We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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