You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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