Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
