There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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