john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
