Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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