saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
