i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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