So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
