There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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