Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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