Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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