Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
