I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
