Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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