I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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