she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
