my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
