just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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