The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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