Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
