I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
