Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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