I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
