Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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