You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
