Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He has the fingertips of a God
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