Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
