I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
