ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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