Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think my tv is drunk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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