So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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