U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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