I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
