dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
