That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
