Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
