Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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