I am puke
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
