Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
