would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
