Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."