Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You smell like a Billy Joel song

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  (315): You smell like a Billy Joel song http://tfl.nu/8lk7
  Replies (7) Good night (977) Bad night (2126)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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  (309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n
  Replies (27) Good night (1292) Bad night (2749)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Sorry I couldn't get my dick out

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  (310): Sorry I couldn't get my dick out http://tfl.nu/ywcl
  Replies (22) Good night (1009) Bad night (6485)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how can getting a pizza be this hard?

  (817): View more from Texas

  when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible

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  (504): how can getting a pizza be this hard? (817): when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible http://tfl.nu/zgw8
  Replies (12) Good night (5245) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.

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  (507): That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form. http://tfl.nu/4aa9
  Replies (15) Good night (1224) Bad night (5262)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

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  (613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line. http://tfl.nu/g6vr
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (4590)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model

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  (850): Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model http://tfl.nu/o9d2
  Replies (5) Good night (1686) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.

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  (607): I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts. http://tfl.nu/406u
  Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.

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  (720): Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet. http://tfl.nu/7a7w
  Replies (2) Good night (856) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.

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  (770): Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week. http://tfl.nu/3id8
  Replies (1) Good night (930) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.

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  (315): So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt. http://tfl.nu/iloo
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.

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  (601): Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life. http://tfl.nu/h9xw
  Replies (1) Good night (551) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.

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  (770): No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/74tv
  Replies (3) Good night (700) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.

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  (802): I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower. http://tfl.nu/ep1t
  Replies (1) Good night (408) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out

  (914): View more from New York

  He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off

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  (914): Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out (914): He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off http://tfl.nu/ygvv
  Replies (0) Good night (618) Bad night (347)

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