Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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