I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
