It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
