you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.