i think i have herpe
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
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Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS