you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch