Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

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  (630): Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face http://tfl.nu/tdg0
  Replies (28) Good night (3008) Bad night (992)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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  (313): These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work http://tfl.nu/lrs5
  Replies (13) Good night (5042) Bad night (576)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery

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  (509): after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery http://tfl.nu/ntn4
  Replies (9) Good night (3191) Bad night (1731)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

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  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (17) Good night (8143) Bad night (1670)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.

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  (303): I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it. http://tfl.nu/jr23
  Replies (7) Good night (2446) Bad night (740)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.

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  (404): Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/z3qk
  Replies (7) Good night (5454) Bad night (910)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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  (334): I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does. (1-334): Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers. http://tfl.nu/3563
  Replies (22) Good night (4635) Bad night (791)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

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  (484): during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me' http://tfl.nu/06rz
  Replies (8) Good night (6090) Bad night (723)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck

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  (914): Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck http://tfl.nu/xehn
  Replies (2) Good night (2329) Bad night (367)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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  (202): When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle. (202): We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon http://tfl.nu/62rc
  Replies (6) Good night (1414) Bad night (433)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

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  (217): sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar. http://tfl.nu/imgt
  Replies (4) Good night (1358) Bad night (553)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?

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  (203): Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013? http://tfl.nu/6zdp
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (405)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra

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  (616): be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra http://tfl.nu/3wvg
  Replies (4) Good night (502) Bad night (352)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  great clearly means different things to us

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  (919): The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories (1-919): Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences (919): great clearly means different things to us http://tfl.nu/ha8x
  Replies (2) Good night (708) Bad night (252)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron

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  (252): I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron http://tfl.nu/wcx2
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (174)

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