i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.