in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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