Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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