sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
