i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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