Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
