Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
