Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
