we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
