once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
