Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.