He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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