"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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