Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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