Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
