Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
