I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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